Off the Charts

On this post back in March I stated my belief on sticker charts and my consent to try them. It was a failure with the guitar trial. I don't know if it was because the stickers went missing or the incentive wasn't worth enough but it lasted about 2 weeks before fizzling (just enough to get one package of plasticine).

At the beginning of the summer I was speaking with a good friend who devised a motivational chart to get her kids reading. I liked the idea but thought I want my kids to be doing more than just reading. There's work to be done, music to be practised, gardening and other stuff I'm sure I'm missing.

So, I worked out a chart that would cater to the fact the girls love to colour. It's a rainbow chart with colours assigned to tasks: reading - purple, writing - red, music - orange, housework - yellow, garden - green, physical activity - blue and extra - pink. There are blocks of 100 squares in 5 rows of 20 to colour in when they complete a task under any category. We went to Bulk Barn and they each got to pick out a candy that they would get when they finished colouring in a row. At the completion of the block of 100 they would get something bigger, like going to the movies or picking something out at a store. I figured a row might take a week or so to complete and a block about a month.

The first day they had all earned a candy. Two weeks, they were at their "block" reward. Amelia went and saw Brave with Rene and I went shopping for a new dress with Evelyn.  It has slowed down a bit now but we're almost into August and it's still generally working. I have double point days when they can blindly pick a colour so when they do that job they get to colour two squares instead of one.

My favourite has been the "extra" colour. That's for when I need something done, like folding diapers, helping with dinner, sorting the tuperware drawer, etc. I just call out "extra square task" and they come running, ready to do whatever I ask. It's like living in the twilight zone. It's fantastic! Sometimes I'll post notes on the tv for when they get up so they know what extra tasks there are for the day. There was one day I came downstairs and Evelyn was folding laundry, Amelia was dusting furniture and they had already swept the floor. That's not everyday by far but it has been nice to not have to do too much nagging...in general.

I'm sure our neighbours think I'm crazy when they hear me threaten to take away squares. That's the downside of these charts. I hate using them as threats but it comes out of my mouth before I can stop myself.

Today I threatened to make a chart I would colour in black every time they fought, hurt each other, talked back or didn't listen. I got the idea from scripture reading this morning that talked about being clean to enter into the kingdom of God. They were, as usual, fidgeting, playing with other things and generally not seeming to pay attention. I haven't created it yet, but it would already be pretty black. Not sure if that's the route I want to go with these charts but it sure is tempting. As a consequence of being mean to a sister I've already made them give one of their squares to that sister. I feel like I'm grasping at straws, trying to find something that will motivate them to not be so mean to each other. One thing at a time I suppose. At least my windows and bathrooms are being cleaned.

Fingertips of Love

Awhile ago I read a blog, 71toes.com, that talked about kids believing in themselves. She recounted how her Dad used to write the first letter of one of her talents on her fingertips and how incredibly capable that made her feel. I've thought about it many times and how I wanted to do that with the girls...but I never seemed to get around to it.

This morning we had 10 extra minutes to kill before the bus came. Amelia was somewhere in the house getting last minute details of her outfit together and Evelyn and I were just chillin' on the couch. A pen was sitting on the table and it finally came together...I remembered the fingertip thing, a pen was within reach and I had a few minutes with a child.

I started with asking Evelyn to tell me something she was good at. She looked at me like I was crazy and asked why (great start!!). Finally she came up with making Lucienne laugh...which, by the way, she is very good at. She just has to look at Luci and she laughs. Those two have a pre-mortal connection!! So, on her index finger I put the letter "L". She got that Evelyn smile of trying not to smile (I think a little shocked too that I was writing on her with pen, something I don't like the girls doing). Then I put a "S" for sharing with her sisters. She began to get the hang of it and we came up with C for cartwheels, P for piano, and A for art.

Then Amelia came down and saw I was writing on Evelyn's fingers and instantly demanded to know what we were doing (I'm glad all my no-writing-on-your-bodies-with-pen lectures have paid off and now possibly have been negated). I said we're listing off things we love about Evelyn and things she's good at. Amelia said that I needed to write a J for making jewellery and I realized how much better this experience could be for the girls if they could see their sisters also loved them and were proud of their accomplishments. So, the three of us came up with the additional T for toilets (she's great at cleaning them), H for handstands, XOX for kisses and hugs and B for biking.

Amelia then looks at me and says, "Do we have enough time to do me before the bus comes?" (with a little panic in her voice) If we didn't I think I would have driven them. So, Amelia's fingers ended up with A for art, J for making jewellery, B for biking, G for guitar, M for mopping (I had to get a chore for each of them in there), S for sharing with sisters, R for reading, L for making lunches, H for doing hair and S for swimming.

They wanted me to repeat what each letter stood for a few times, their smiles getting bigger each time. It was sooooo cute - one of those moments that made me feel like I was doing okay at being their mother.

It was raining as they waited for their bus and after a couple of minutes they both ran in screaming that their talents were being washed away. I managed to rewrite half of Evelyn's before their bus pulled up and I gave Amelia the pen to finish repairing hers and Evelyn's on the bus.

It made me realize that I can't sit around waiting for these moments to happen, I need to be going out of my way to make sure each of my girls feel important, loved and special. Saying "I love you" while tucking them into bed is good but there is a better and a best (from a General Conference talk awhile back). I feel like lately we've had negative energy in our house, lots of arguing and back-talk and attitude. There are days I feel very naggy just trying to get them to do the basics of making beds, helping with dinner, practising and cleaning up their things. Even family scripture reading is full of "sit stills" and "pay attentions".

Lets hope this can be the start of something.